A guide on friendship*
How to befriend a girl/woman/lady/female:
- listen to her rant about her problems
- be her shoulder to cry on
- go shopping with her
- compliment her spectacular taste in fashion
- compliment her perfect complexion
- compliment her beautiful hair
- compliment her model body Example: "I wish I had your thighs, mine are so fat." (self-depreciating statements are always a plus)
- buy her things
- let her talk for hours about something you would really rather know nothing about
- do not expect her to listen to your problems
- analyze every piece of gossip with her (gossip may also be used as currency, digging up new dirt will earn you 'brownie points')
- share your food with her
- reconstruct your entire essence of being in order to become more "socially compatible" Example: if she says you should change something about yourself that you don't really want to do, do it anyway.
How to befriend a guy:
- make a few jokes (possibly off color)
*this is generalized bullshit, but funny
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